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Releasing What No Longer Serves You
Learn the art of releasing what no longer serves you, moving past perfectionism, and embracing self forgiveness to enhance your well being and personal growth
8/23/20246 min read
Forgive Yourself
to Move Forward
The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realise that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. - Steve Maraboli
Holding onto past hurts or unresolved situations can keep us stuck, but releasing them allows us to grow and embrace new opportunities.
Key lessons:
Forgive yourself to move forward
The art of letting go
Don't relive it
Forgiveness is beautiful
The realisation
The courage to let go
Methods for moving forward
The process of letting go
FAQs - Forgive yourself to move forward
blog / releasing what no longer serves you
The Art of Letting Go
Letting go is an art and a skill that many of us, myself included, struggle to master. It involves releasing what no longer serves us, whether it be a toxic relationship, a past mistake, or an outdated belief.
Jeez, I ticked all those boxes, it’s time for change. Change in itself sounds simple and easy to do, yet it terrifies you.
Don’t Relive It
I remember a time when I held onto bitterness for years. A partner had betrayed my trust, and I couldn’t seem to let go of the anger and hurt it caused. Every time I thought about the situation, it felt like a knife twisting in my chest.
One of my friends told me I had to let go. I heard her, but it made no sense. I was stuck in ever decreasing circles. At that moment I found hell on earth.
Forgiveness is Beautiful
I’ve always had trouble with forgiveness because it felt like excusing the wrongdoer. However, I met an older lady in the park who shared her wisdom with me.
She said, “No, my dear, you're seeing this wrong. Forgiving is not forgetting. Forgiving is about giving yourself peace and moving on with your life.” Despite my initial scepticism, her words eventually proved to be very true.
The Realisation
Years later, I came to understand the value of her wisdom. Holding onto resentment was only hurting myself. By refusing to let go, I allowed the past to control my present and future.
The lesson rests hard on my soul, because there’s a part of me that does not want to forgive.
There’s a part of me that wants to fight with all my might, that wants to get even, to have my moment and after all that shenanigans, I’ll feel better.
Right…. Well no, that’s wrong. What tends to happen is that it eats at you, until you burst. That’s not a good feeling or frame off mind to be in. I always knew I was better than that.
The Courage to Let Go
It takes a bigger person to process what’s happened and let go. Letting go requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to confront our own fears and insecurities.
The rewards are immense. When we release what no longer serves us, we create space for new opportunities, growth, and happiness to enter our lives.
Methods for Moving Forward
Here are a few methods that helped me move past anger and frustration:
Feeling My Emotions: I found it crucial to allow myself to feel whatever emotions came up anger, sadness, frustration. Acknowledging and honouring these feelings was often the first step to moving past them.
Forgiving for Myself: Forgiveness became a way to release the weight of resentment and hurt. It wasn’t about excusing what happened but about freeing myself from those heavy emotions.
Loosening My Grip: I noticed that holding on too tightly to people, possessions, or ideas was weighing me down. When I started to let go, even just a little, I felt a surprising sense of freedom.
Focusing on the Present: Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future wasn’t helping me. By focusing on what I could do in the present moment, I found a sense of control and peace.
Taking Care of Myself: Letting go can be draining, so I made self-care a priority. Whether it was going for a walk, taking a hot bath, or sitting quietly with a cup of tea, these moments helped me stay grounded and nourished.
The Process of Letting Go
Letting go is a process, not an event. It takes time, patience, and practice so don’t rush yourself.
With each release, you'll find yourself becoming lighter, freer, and more open to the beauty and possibilities that life has to offer. In a physical sense, letting go feels like you're on holiday and you’ve left all the day to day crap behind. The beauty is unlike a holiday, you don’t need to go back, it's all forward thinking from here on in.
Frequently asked questions
How do you release what doesn't serve you?
To start letting go of perfectionism, recognise that perfectionism is a defence mechanism than real success. Keeping a journal of when perfectionist tendencies pop up can be incredibly eye opening. It helps in pinpointing triggers and understanding how this affects daily life.
Learning about the downsides of perfectionism is crucial. Whether it's through books, workshops, or even therapy, getting educated on how this trait can be counterproductive shifts perspectives and motivates change.
Setting realistic standards is vital step. Defining what ‘good enough’ looks like for different tasks and accepting that perfect is often out of reach can relieve a lot of pressure.
Developing healthier ways to cope with stress and anxiety that don't rely on controlling outcomes is essential. Techniques like mindfulness meditation, regular exercise, or engaging in relaxing hobbies can provide balance and a sense of accomplishment that isn't tied to work.
Seeking support can make a difference. Whether it’s a mentor, a coach, or joining a peer support group, having someone to guide and hold accountable can be a game-changer.
Making small, incremental changes and recognizing each step forward helps in building confidence in new ways of handling things.
Getting feedback and reflecting on it from peers or a team helps in understanding the broader impacts of one's actions and reinforces the benefits of adopting a new approach.
Building emotional resilience through focusing on self compassion instead of self criticism can dramatically change one’s inner dialogue. Practices like positive affirmations and focusing on personal growth and the value of learning from mistakes are key to this transformation.
Replacing the internal noise that insists on perfection with one that emphasises growth and the acceptance of imperfections can fundamentally change how challenges and successes are viewed.
To be honest the process is gradual and requires consistent effort, but the long term benefits to well being and professional relationships are well worth the effort.
What does it mean for something to not serve you?
For someone dealing with perfectionism, this trait might initially seem beneficial like it drives success and ensures quality.
However, when we take a closer look, if it leads to excessive stress, burnout, and strained relationships, then it's not serving you well.
How to let go of emotions that don't serve you?
To let go of emotions that aren’t helping you, start by pinpointing exactly what you’re feeling and what usually sets off these emotions.
Question those thoughts that fuel your feelings. For example, if you’re thinking, “I must be perfect,” ask yourself how true that really is.
Accepting these emotions as they come can also makes a difference. It’s like saying, “Okay, I’m feeling this way and that’s alright,” which can actually lessen their grip on you.
Then, try out some coping strategies that work for you, like taking deep breaths, meditating a bit, or diving into a hobby that absorbs you.
If you've ever undertaken cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), it uses a similar approach to aid you with coping mechanisms.
If you let go of what no longer serves you, do you create space for what is meant to be?
Absolutely, letting go of habits or mindsets that don't serve you well can indeed create space for more positive experiences and growth.
When you shed behaviors like perfectionism, you're not just removing a negative force from your life; you're also opening up opportunities to experience things in a new, healthier way.
